Play
by Kyra Marie
Summary: Part 3 of The Breakup Playlist. Over time they felt better, but it never felt right. What she shared with Natsume was a tangled array of hits and misses, could have beens, and bad timing. They lived their lives together and apart; how many times do they have to prove that being away did more bad than good?


" _ **Play"**_

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own _Gakuen Alice_ , but I do own the plot in this story.

 **Author's Note:** This is **part 3** of _The Breakup Playlist_. Like _Pause_ and _Rewind_ , they were written as stand-alones, but I highly suggest reading the two aforementioned stories to fully understand the flow. This follows the anime plot with occasional references to the manga. This references my other story, _The Cabin in the Woods._

 _Over time they felt better, but it never felt right. What she shared with Natsume was a tangled array of hits and misses, could have beens, and bad timing. They lived their lives together and apart; how many times do they have to prove that being away did more bad than good?_

* * *

"Are you going to Kitsu's?"

Mikan Sakura looked up from her breakfast muffin and morning homework. It was a little past eight, way too early to be exhausted, but that was exactly how she felt. Thankfully, the company made it less dragging. "I can't, I already promised Sumire I'll go to her awarding," Mikan said in regret. "We can meet at the club after."

Natsume Hyuuga snorted. "I'm not clubbing with you."

She frowned. "What's wrong with going to the club with me? I'll have you know I'm an excellent wingwoman."

Natsume went back to reading the morning paper, choosing to ignore Mikan's doubtful declaration. She was a social butterfly whose undeniably contagious charm never had an off button. He picked up his second cup of coffee- black and steaming and a blatant opposite of the woman across him.

"I can do it!" Mikan insisted, dropping to the stool next to him. She had temporarily disregarded her worksheets in her quest to plead with him. "I'll help you. Besides, you need to go out with girls more often."

"I go out with you," he pointed out.

"I don't count," she rolled her eyes. She opened her mouth to say more but he shushed her. Frowning, she digressed, "Fine. But you'll still see me there because Kitsu invited me, too. And Sumire deserves a girls' night out."

"Then go someplace else."

"What, and waste the chance to see you in action? No, thanks."

As Natsume continued with the morning paper, Mikan began fixing her books. She had stayed up until late studying for her revisions, and if Natsume didn't knock on her door that morning she would've probably slept through her classes. In almost a rare showcase of kindness, he even brought her breakfast, as if he knew she wouldn't have enough time to make a decent one.

"Someone called, by the way," he said without looking up. "Guy named Hiro. Asked if you were free Thursday next week."

"Hiro Matsumoto?"

"I told him you're not interested."

"Natsume… Hiro's my student."

"Aren't you teaching children?"

"I'm tutoring Hiro basic Chinese. Wow, you just reached a new low. Are you that jealous?"

"I'm not jealous."

"Tell that to Hiro," she scoffed. "Hurry up with your coffee. I need to leave."

Mikan did her makeup while working on her revisions. If someone told her five years ago that she was going to be sitting in front of her dresser in her own flat doing her makeup while studying for her finals, with her not-boyfriend finishing his coffee nearby, Mikan would have laughed at their face and wondered what alternative universe they were stuck in, because there was no way any of those things could be close to reality.

First, because she could never afford her own flat, nor had she ever dreamed of having one alone. Second, she didn't want to go to college, she knew that way before graduating high school. Third, she never would have thought that after everything that happened to them, there would come a time when Natsume _wouldn't_ be her boyfriend.

But here she was.

"Where'd you put my toothbrush?" Natsume called from the bathroom.

Slightly annoyed that he had disrupted her right at the middle of her conjugations, she snapped, "I used it to clean the toilet bowl."

There was a moment of silence. "Seriously, Mikan."

"Second drawer on your left. You really can't take a joke, can you?"

"Keep that up if you want to be late."

"You said you were driving me!"

"I'll stop picking you up if you keep misplacing my toothbrush."

"It's _my_ apartment!" Mikan grumbled. She finished powdering her face before gathering her books and stomping back to her dining table.

With the amount of shouting they did, you'd think she lived in a big apartment, but it was actually just a simple one-bedroom flat where you manage to fit everything in one big space, save for the bathroom. What made it spacious was the sliding mirror dividers Natsume installed two months after she moved in, creating the illusion that her flat was bigger than it actually was. Whenever one of the girls would come by and Natsume was already over, either she would have to kick someone out or someone would need to stay on the couch by the closet, squished between the shoe boxes and paper bags that she never bothered to organized. Usually it ended with kicking Natsume out.

"This is why you're single, Hyuuga. Ever since we broke up, you lost all sense of humor."

"You really want to walk, Sakura? Be my guest."

"I'm kidding," she apologized hastily. They stepped out of the apartment, and as Mikan locked the door she added, "I'm leaving my shoes in your trunk, by the way."

"Sure, thanks for asking," he muttered.

Mikan laughed. This was how she knew it was going to be a good day: light, breezy, and fun. Morning banters with Natsume was what she lived for, and she couldn't ask how it could become any better than this.

From Sumire S.

Received Fri, 09:56:34

 _Don't be late_.

From Sumire S.

Received Fri, 10:02:29

 _Was Natsume over again?_

From Sumire S.

Received Fri, 10:02:57

 _Did you have sex?_

From Sumire S.

Received Fri, 10:03:06

 _DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM_

From Sumire S.

Received Fri, 10:03:48

 _Even when he looks sexy in his shirt_

"Did you tell Sumire you were picking me up?" she asked him in the car after assuring Sumire that her legs had been intact, her virtues safe, and her friendship with her on dangerous rocky state.

"Why would I do that?" Natsume said as he turned a corner. "Besides, she knows I pick you up when you have morning classes." As he stopped on a red light, he turned to her, "She's saying obscene things again, isn't she? Your friend is crazy."

"She was president of your fan club. Of course she's crazy."

"Touché," he snickered before stepping on the gas.

* * *

Mikan worriedly watched Koko stagger around the bar, interrupting people's conversations by mentioning their deepest, and occasionally dirtiest, thoughts. "Someone should stop him," she said, and when there was no reaction she nudged the person next to her, "Natsume, didn't you hear me?"

"You're right, but it's not going to be me," he said, taking a drink. It was sweet. He looked down and realized he accidentally got Mikan's. "If you were planning on getting hammered tonight like you said, stop ordering cosmos."

"Mind your own drink," she snapped at him.

Ruka fleeted back to their direction with Koko in tow. "I told you not to take off your controlling device. Do you really want everyone to know you're an Alice? If the wrong person hears, you'll be in big trouble. Either that or the bouncers will kick you out."

"You're just jealous because you can't bring pets inside," Koko grumbled before settling on a bar stool. He called for the bartender's attention and added at the end, nodding at Ruka, "Put it on his tab."

"Kitsuneme's tab," Ruka corrected before he turned to Natsume with pleading eyes. "Are you staying sober? Can you put Koko's controlling device on?"

Natsume's response was immediate and non-negotiable. "No. He threw up in my car last time."

"That was three months ago! Come on, Natsume, be a friend."

"Yeah, be a friend, Natsume," Mikan cheerfully piped next to him.

Natsume gave a frustrated sigh before snapping on Koko's bangle. He glared at Ruka, "You're sitting next to him on the way home. If he throws up, you're paying for the cleaning."

"Better make sure everything is charged on Kitsu's tab then," Ruka grimaced.

"Where _is_ Kitsuneme?" Mikan looked around. "He vanished after saying hi."

"He's setting Sumire up with a photographer."

"How did he look?"

"Pretty tired, he's been on his feet the whole day."

" _No_ , I meant the photographer, so I'd know whether to save Sumire from him or him from Sumire."

Mochu came up to their little huddle. He had a smug smile and a phone number written on his palm. "Guess who scored a date with a car commercial model?" Mochu puffed his chest proudly.

"Do you know her name?"

"I have her number."

"It's also missing a digit," Natsume pointed out.

Perplexed, Mochu started counting the digits on his palm. Twice. Thrice. "Damn."

Koko raised a glass towards Mochu's direction. At this point no one had any idea who kept supplying Koko his alcohol. "Drink it up, bud."

"Poor Mochu," Mikan sighed. She stirred her drink, entranced by the rolling cherry. "Must be tough being you."

Ruka tried to smother his laughter. Natsume smirked. Mochu, completely unamused, scowled and asked at large, "Who invited her?"

Kitsuneme jumped at Mochu from behind, "I did. What's wrong with Mikan?"

"Mikan's becoming like Natsume," Mochu complained, throwing their female companion a dirty look. "I vote she takes five minutes timeout to think about what she did."

"What's wrong with me?" Natsume frowned. "Everyone wants to be me."

"Yeah, until they find out you can't even ask the girl you like out," Koko pointed out bluntly.

Natsume scowled, his turn to find no humor in his friend's comment. "I vote Koko gets sent home."

Mochu shook his head in despair. "I can't believe I used to look up to you, Hyuuga. Come on, buddy," he put his arms around Koko, "Natsume clearly doesn't deserve us."

Kitsuneme frowned as his two friends walked off with their goals clear on their faces. "I'm all for living the moment but do you think they'll be okay?"

"They'll be back," Natsume assured him.

"How'd you know?"

Mikan recognized the gleaming bangle on Natsume's hand. The jerk. Maybe he didn't completely lose his sense of humor after all.

"Ruka, do you want to be my wingman?'

"How come no one ever asks me?" Natsume complained, although without irth.

Kitsuneme glanced wearily at Mikan's direction, "You can't even–"

"Fair point. Leave."

Mikan laughed as they watched their friends walk away one by one. Natsume would be the worst wingman in the world. Not only was he outrageously bad at selling his friends but all the girls would also easily fall at his feet in a heartbeat. Everyone else would just be reluctantly-chosen substitutes next to the gorgeous but detached specimen.

"So listen," Sumire dashed towards them, her cheeks pink with the heat but her eyes bright and energized, "I scored a date with a photographer, he's cute- of course he's got nothing on you, Natsume- and I got him to give me his name so I can charge everything on his tab."

"Really?" Mikan doubted.

Sumire rolled her eyes. She flashed them a "borrowed" credit card. "Of course not. At the rate we're going, Kitsu won't be able to pay his rent for the next three months."

Before Mikan could reprove her, Natsume had already slapped the photographer's credit card on the bar and towards the bartender.

"It's two against one, darlin," Sumire said smugly, "So what are you having?"

It felt like they were much younger again on a spontaneous foolish nightout. Sumire made snarky comments and Mikan tried to shut her friend up. Natsume threw a tactless remark every now and then and Mikan told him to stop. Once or twice Koko came back to express his utter disappointment at Natsume, and a couple of times Sumire's admirer came by with a flirty smile, completely oblivious that he was one credit card short. The night was still young and the club was still raging with newcomers, but to them it was their little party that mattered.

That is, until Sumire started having twice too many drinks.

Her opinions remained snide but completely harmless- at first. It began as casual comments on Mikan and Natsume's friendship, which turned into a monologue of how jealous she was that Mikan was spending more time with him, which further developed into an 'observation' that Mikan seemed to be spending way too much time alone with him, until…

"When are you guys planning to DTR?"

Natsume's face was a blank. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"The whole world is desperate to know whether you're together again."

"I'm pretty sure the whole world has more important issues to discuss than us," Mikan said, and in an effort to change the subject, she tried to appeal to Sumire's interest, "Hey, did you know that the Prime Minister–"

"Reads the unofficial online Academy forums? Yes, he does. He's a big fan of Natsume, didn't you know?"

Mikan turned to Natsume. "Is there anyone in this planet who _doesn't_ like you?"

"You, apparently," Sumire pointed out with a sarcastic drawl. "He can be completely naked and you wouldn't even sigh."

Natsume snickered. "Trust me, she-"

Before Sumire could continue with her rampage of inappropriate comments, Mikan thrust a drink at her face, ignoring Natsume's amusement.

This did not waver Sumire the least bit. She downed the glass in one gulp before ordering another one.

Mikan immediately recognized the look on Sumire's eyes, one Mikan had seen way too many times to count, having been the receiving end of it when they were ten: Sumire was on fire, and Mikan was about to get roasted.

"This has to stop," Sumire declared, jabbing at the two of them, "You have to stop pretending that you don't have feelings for each other."

"She knows how I feel," Natsume said smoothly as he sent a wink towards Mikan's direction. From the corner of his eyes he noticed a girl who visibly swooned.

"I'm well aware," Mikan followed serenely. "And we like what we have now."

"You have _nothing,"_ Sumire exclaimed.

"We're good friends."

"Good friends don't go on dates!"

"Ruka and I go out for lunch."

"Natsume's gorgeous!"

"So is Ruka."

"You lived together for two years and probably had sex every other day."

This was the thing with Sumire. With or without alcohol she was as candid and as blunt as a tabloid writer (how was she pursuing a degree in diplomacy, Mikan would never understand). Stopping her from ordering another round wouldn't make a difference, plus she was dumping it on the photographer's tab so they thought it best to not argue.

"It's like middle school all over again and frankly it's not cute anymore," Sumire huffed. She thrusted a drink towards Natsume and clinked her glass against it. "I'm not part of it but it's draining _all_ my energy and I'm tired enough from college, you know that." She glanced briefly at Mikan who seemed torn between frustration and amusement. "Do you know she camped out of my door when you left, waiting for me to come out? This idiot didn't even have the sense of mind to try the doorbell!"

At this point, Mikan's face had turned beet red. As transparent as she was with Natsume, that was not a story she cared to rehash tonight or ever. Frustration won- Sumire ended her rant with: "Now do you like him or not?"

"Yeah," Natsume agreed with the help of a slightly watered down bourbon, immensely amused with what was unfolding, "Do you like me or not?"

"I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now," Mikan mumbled.

Satisfied with Mikan's discomfort, Sumire decided to slash at Natsume next, "And you!"

Natsume's amusement swiftly fell from his face.

"Don't even get me started on you! Your looks are inversely proportional to your intelligence!"

Natsume raised an eyebrow although he hardly took offense. He tried to take in his drunk friends' words with a grain of salt. "I finished top of all my classes."

"Your emotional intelligence, then," Sumire supplied, not missing a beat.

"Are you speaking as a friend or as a fan? Because right now I doubt you're either."

"If you were as smart as you were gorgeous, you wouldn't be letting Mikan go off like that!"

"Still here," Mikan waved a hand in front of Sumire's face.

"You used to worship me whatever I did," Natsume said in retaliation.

"I still do," Sumire guaranteed, "But sweetheart you can be such an idiot sometimes."

"Someone get this fake fan off my sight," Natsume joked.

"Okay, enough joking-"

"You were joking?" Mikan interrupted bitterly.

"-and let's get the facts straight. You like her. You like him. What the hell is wrong with you two?"

"Sumire…"

"You've been playing this game for a year now and it's driving _me_ nuts!"

"Well that makes two of us," Mikan commented dryly. She noticed Natsume looking at her. "I'm kidding. Sumire, get me another cosmo."

"No, you're not. If Natsume's taking you home you're seeing the green fairies. Bartender!"

Natsume shook his head before vacating his seat. Mikan was right. Sumire _desperately_ needed a night out.

He surveyed the place for Ruka. Although he knew twice as much women were going to stare if he were sitting with Ruka, he also knew Ruka was too much of a nice guy to be rude to them, which meant Natsume didn't have to adopt what was deemed proper social behavior.

Natsume found Ruka leaning against the wall outside the club as Koko emptied his guts on a nearby trash bin.

"It's hardly eleven," Natsume needlessly pointed out, his turn to be amused by his friend's inebriation. Koko replied by belching loudly.

"Why'd you leave?" Ruka asked as he twisted open a bottle of water for Koko.

"Sumire was trying to set me up."

"Oh?" Ruka perked up, more entertained than interested. "With who?"

"Mikan," Natsume replied dryly.

"Oh." It was quiet for a while, because Natsume was in too deep in his thoughts while Ruka lacked the vocabulary. Although he had been urging Mikan to go on dates, he was cautious about it around Natsume. Time and again Natsume assured him that he didn't mind, but for the sake of tact and their friendship, Ruka thought it best to discuss Mikan's dating with her alone.

"You know," Koko breathed out, lifting his head slightly from the bin, "when you guys broke up, I was just in bad shape. Like _I_ broke up with you two!"

Natsume looked around to check if they had an audience. Sometimes his friends were funny drunks. Sometimes they weren't.

Koko went on, "And then one day _poof_! You took it away. You _pierced_ my heart. You _punched_ my gut. You-"

"We get it," Natsume interrupted with minimal ire.

"Point is, when you guys ended, so did my faith in relationships. Lost it! History! Love exists no more!"

"Now, now, buddy. All hope is not lost. There's still me and Hotaru," Ruka chirped, handing the bottled water to Koko. He, unlike Natsume, was entertained by Koko's theatricality.

Koko's sluggish eyes darted briefly on Ruka before back to Natsume. "Like I said, I completely lost my faith in relationships. Sure, you forget a couple of dates here and there and you enjoy riling her up, and most of the time I just wanted to smash both your heads together for driving _my_ head insane, but you know, you were _good_ together."

Natsume wasn't sure why they had been bringing up the past lately. It didn't seem normal for his friends, even when they've had too many drinks. The only answer he thought of was that this had been a recent topic, and although he had been used to being the topic of way too many conversations when they were much younger and he and Mikan's relationships were breaking news, he wasn't sure how he felt about it at twenty-five.

Especially when the only relationship they currently had is purely based on trust and loyalty among friends.

"What do you suggest he should've done?" Ruka said annoyingly, more so because Koko didn't seem to be in awe with his relationship with Hotaru as he was with Mikan and Natsume's. "Stick with her even though they weren't in love anymore?"

"What do you mean 'weren't'? My head is _still_ bursting because of them, it's ridiculous! I need another drink."

"Not so fast," Natsume pulled him back by his shirt collar, "What do you mean?"

Ruka groaned, realizing what Koko meant and further justifying his fears as a spectator of this strictly friends setup. "Dude it's pretty clear. Do you honestly need him to spell it out for you? He probably can't even remember his full name."

"Sure I do," Koko said cheerfully before proceeding to prove he could.

"Calm down, Ruka. I just need confirmation."

"Confirmation, pfft," Koko scoffed. "You took so long that Mikan's actually paying more attention to her dates."

" _What?_ "

Whether Koko was going to answer or not, Natsume never figured, because at that moment Mochu ran up to them, his face dewy with sweat.

"You might want to come back inside." Mochu breathed out.

"Why?" Natsume's voice was coated in suspicion,

"Mikan's-"

That was all it took for Natsume to leave his post against the wall and hurry back inside. They watched after him in surprise. Although Natsume's almost unnatural movements no longer surprised them, it was his frighteningly dark expression that alarmed them.

"That didn't mean what he thinks it means, right?"

"Yes…"

Ruka sighed in exasperation and speed-dialed his girlfriend. "Hey, Hotaru? If someone calls from an unregistered number it's me from the police station. See you later." He hung up the phone and slapped Mochu on the head as he left.

* * *

Mikan was currently earning her bachelors in Education. On weekends, she still tutored and occasionally taught Chinese- like to Hiro Matsumoto, who she needed to call to reschedule their study session. Although she was hardly an honor student, Mikan managed to make things work. She also realized that even if she went to college five years ago, she probably wouldn't have came out the same way. She found out that to be able to do well in anything, you need to choose it yourself.

Just as the same, Mikan chose Natsume. Although she frequently enjoyed being alone, Mikan liked being in his company. Regardless of Sumire's endless teasing, she and Natsume remained good friends. Being with him felt like catching up with a friend you haven't seen in ages. Natsume didn't say it out loud (or at all), but being with Mikan was what he liked doing. However, that didn't mean everyone approved.

It wasn't out of disapproval of them getting back together. The disapproval stemmed from the vagueness of their relationship, or lack, thereof. But whatever they had seemed to work for Mikan and Natsume, and so the rest reluctantly showed support or indifference. Although no one said it out loud, this time, they were ready for the downfall should it come.

Now, as designated best friend and boyfriend of the not-girlfriend's best friend, Ruka took it upon himself to take matters on his own hands.

"Do you mind?"

There were a lot of things Natsume learned after being away from people he had known for years— people who knew and accepted his behavior as normal. First was that people were permitted to not be honest one hundred percent of the time, and there was nothing wrong with that. You could say something completely different from what you mean and there wouldn't be an issue if that's how you preferred to keep things that way. For years, he thought being blunt and honest was the only way to go.

Second was that he couldn't stop Mikan Sakura from going on dates, or ask anyone to, even when it was being set up in front of him. He was long past the sophomoric age of stopping every guy's advances by inflicting irreparable emotional and mental damage on top of the occasional physical maiming or taunting. If happiness meant being just Mikan's friend, then he was okay with it, even when it was increasingly difficult.

And if- when- he _wasn't_ okay with it, no one was going to give him a hard time if he lied.

When Ruka Nogi went on and on about his two-month stint in Kenya, Natsume completely missed the part about Ruka becoming very good friends with one of the fellows who happened to be a bachelor. If he were to be honest, Natsume knew he should've seen it coming. Recently, it seemed that Ruka's primary mission in life was to provide happily ever afters to all his other single friends. He had been trying to set Mikan up with people he met along the way, and if Natsume didn't have quite an attitude towards it, Ruka would be out and about setting him up with someone else, too.

"Does Mikan like facial hair? My friend wants to know."

"I don't know, Ruka," Natsume complained, trying to keep his emotions in check. He told Ruka he didn't care even if Mikan went to three dates that same night, but that was just some of the things he said. "We broke up five years ago. It's not like we discuss our dating options and exchange notes over coffee."

"But you're the one she spends most of her time with these days," he pointed out. He added in an alarming afterthought, "You're not sleeping with her, are you?"

" _No_. What is it with you all?" He shook his head in disbelief. He wondered if this stemmed from his friends' distrust on his personality or their shared history. "Look, just tell the guy to open doors for her and to be polite to waiters. Mikan's too nice to turn a nice guy down. Aren't you too old for this?"

"My friend is single. I need to help her."

"Help _me_."

"You're in a long, unending battle with your pride and your principles. Can't help you with that." Ruka buttoned the last of his shirt. "I'm going out with Hotaru. Do you want anything? Soup, book, a new girlfriend?"

"Yeah. You out of everyone else's love lives."

"I'll try."

* * *

Natsume found Mikan profusely typing on her laptop when she was obviously halfway out the door. He had dropped by after picking up her dry cleaning for her, and chanced upon her with one foot clad in an uncomfortable-looking pair of shoes while the other was squished warm on a large bunny bedroom slipper.

"Where are you going?" he asked her. He thought she looked good, and perhaps it had become second nature to him so he voiced this out loud.

"Thanks. Ruka set me up on a blind date."

Although he knew about it, he didn't know it was that soon. Turns out Ruka moved fast. He had to hand it to him, Ruka seemed unperturbed about setting Mikan up with dates- either that or he went along with Natsume's story that he didn't care who Mikan dated. If it was the latter then he needed to get a new friend.

He expected her to start packing up, but she continued typing on her laptop, her face scrunched in deep focus. "Then what are you doing?"

"Sending email updates," Mikan replied quite distractedly. "Anna decided to extend her Vietnam trip and Wakako's backpacking this weekend with the law student- don't jinx it though, new guy. Other than that, Mochu's flying for a couple of weeks, too, and next month, Ruka's going to Australia." She finally tore her attention away from the screen and looked up at Natsume in palpable worry, "Is it bad that I keep doing this?"

Natsume understood this worry of her; it was fear rooted from losing people who, for years, were all they had. Since they graduated, everyone started going off to different things. There were a couple of people who drifted apart, and even recently Natsume noticed that Hotaru turned up less and less for dinners. Although he and Mikan didn't speak for almost two years, she knew she regularly kept in touch with the others.

"You know you don't need to send me a generic mass email."

"I think it's nice to keep everyone updated the old-fashioned digital way." She then added to correct him, "And they're not generic."

"You didn't send me emails when I was in Basel," he pointed out after a while.

She scoffed without looking up from her email draft to Koko. "It's not like you wanted to receive any from me."

"I did." He said it to humor her, but if a part of him were honest, even to himself, he would have admitted the truth.

"You had a very funny way of showing it."

"What did you expect me to do? You broke my heart."

"Correction. _We_ broke each other's hearts." She made a big show of loudly pressing _Enter_ on the keyboard before regarding him with evident amusement. "Two years was a pretty long time. For someone who claims to care for me during the time in between, you couldn't even say hi."

It was a joke, they both knew. They had already gotten used to talking about their relationship as if it were a thing of the past- which it was. "I'll keep that in mind next time I decide to be in a relationship with someone for the next ten years."

"Thanks for getting my dry cleaning, by the way," Mikan told him as she started getting ready. He watched as she went through her routine. When they recently broke up, he begged and wished to have these moments again. Funny how things turned out.

Once done, he walked her out; as they went down the stairs, Mikan spoke, "Hotaru asked me to go to her Charity Ball. Do you want to come? It's absolutely boring and I can't afford anything on the auction list, but maybe if we go together we can make fun of everyone who's not Hotaru."

Natsume took his time in answering. "Why don't you ask Ruka? He's made for public appearances more than I am."

"You know why Ruka's not going. Hotaru doesn't like mixing business with pleasure. Plus she gets jealous when someone asks him to dance."

"Would you look at that? She does have a heart after all."

"Hey, be nice. She said I can take anyone and that includes you."

"She explicitly said that?"

"Well…" she trailed off, "Not _exactly_ in those specific words. Something along the line of... Anyway, you know Hotaru. She'll appreciate your presence all the same, expected or not.

He snorted at this comment, but agreed to go with her.

Why not? They were friends and it was normal for friends to do favors. Mikan, on the other hand, was beyond elation.

Shaking his head at her exaggeration, he asked, "Do you want me to drop you off?"

"You just want to check out who I'm meeting," she laughed, playfully elbowing him on the ribs. She wasn't far off. "I'll be fine, I already called a cab, and I have you on speed dial. Now go have a good night."

 _Not likely,_ he thought grimly as he watched her go down the steps to wait for her ride.

* * *

"Are you still setting Mikan up with blind dates?" Hotaru demanded to know. "I told you to leave her alone."

They were having dinner at a five-star restaurant of one of his favorite hotels. Although Hotaru often disapproved despite her proclivity towards anything with a high rating, Ruka liked showering Hotaru with the extravagance worthy of a long-term relationship and a successful, beautiful, smart girlfriend. At that moment it was the last thing she wanted from him, not when he was consistently scheming to doom her best friend to a life of non-singledom.

"I'm just giving her a push. She spends too much time with Natsume. She's even taking him to the Charity Ball."

"How do you already know that? I invited Mikan two hours ago."

His voice had turned a notch down, sounding embarrassed. "Natsume sends updates."

"You're pathetic. Both of you are."

"Look, at this rate she won't get a boyfriend, _ever_. It's like he built a fence around her that wards off any testosterone that wants to become more than friends. It used to be good comic relief in middle school but now it's stupid." He paused. "Don't tell him I said that."

"She's a grown woman!" she raged. "If she's not looking for love, you better leave her alone."

"It's just a little push," he reasoned with her girlfriend. Ruka knew it wasn't fair, and it was low-key meddling, what he was doing. Maybe not even low-key. "Not wanting her to date anyone is a little extreme, even for you."

"What's extreme is a twenty-five-year-old man playing Cupid."

"You know, when you put it that way…"

"Stop setting her up," Hotaru said with finality. "I don't trust the people you make her date."

"I'll have you know that I'm an excellent judge of character," he disagreed.

"You're best friends with Natsume Hyuuga," she said in a matter-of-fact voice that supposedly sealed any further argument.

Ruka's phone beeped, and although he was the one who made it a rule, he couldn't help but peer at the text he received. He was not disappointed. "No need for threats, my love. Looks like their date's going well. Wine?"

* * *

When Akira Watanabe agreed to go on a blind date on behalf of his colleague Ruka, he thought he was doing him a favor. He frankly didn't have high hopes for the whole setup despite Ruka's personality, particularly after meeting his girlfriend. Although Hotaru Imai was astute, ingenious, and too worthy of his attention, Akira did not understand the charm her aloofness had beckoned. When he found out that he was going on a blind date with no less than the woman's close friend, he didn't have high hopes- or any hopes at all.

Akira's perceived horror of a date turned out to be a beautiful woman in strappy stilettos with a loquacious mouth. To be honest, she hardly had any striking physical characteristics, but the way she talked made him wish that she never stopped talking. She was a refreshing conversationalist and a genuine person, based from the first hour of their date so far.

"I know it's not the same as you saving lives," she was saying, "But it's fulfilling. You get to be the one they rely on, and they stick to you in some way. When they laugh and smile and tell you you're their favorite person in the world… you know they probably don't get what it really means at that age and they tell _everyone_ even the ice cream man they're their favorite, but it's still nice to hear."

He agreed. "One of the highlights of my rounds is getting to check up on my younger patients."

"A lot of adults these days, they don't care much for having children. It's not a good place to live in anymore, and making careers precede making families, although nothing's wrong with that. Most of my friends don't even like kids, so it's nice to have someone else to talk about it.

"You know," she went on, "It's actually funny because I wasn't the brightest bulb in class. Teaching's probably the last profession I would've expected to go for. But what I lack here," she tapped on her temple, "I make up with this," she pointed at her heart.

"I'm sure that's not true," Akira said, although he was sure her heart was as pure as she claimed it was.

"Oh, it is. You can ask Ruka. He tried to help me out whenever his best friend gave up on teaching me."

"Imai doesn't seem to be the doting kind," he nodded understandably.

She smiled at his mistake. "Actually, she's not. The best friend, I mean, although yes, she does _not_ dote. I meant Natsume."

"Natsume? Natsume Hyuuga?"

Mikan rolled her eyes. Figured he would know the great Hyuuga. "I swear, everybody's in love with him."

Akira chuckled. "Not really. I've heard of him. I went to the Swiss Alps with a group of European-based scientists. Dr. Lee spoke highly of him."

"Oh, we've met once or twice. Where is he now?"

"Studying molecular biology at Cornell, but from what I remember he's still working on his dissertation on immunology."

"Must be nice to be that smart."

"Pretty sure you'll be attending colleges across Asia soon."

Mikan made a face. "I'm afraid that honor belongs to Natsume. Hotaru, maybe, if she decides to stop self-studying nanotechnology or electrical engineering. I could never keep up with the terms alone."

"You seem to be much closer to Natsume than Ruka," he noted with interest. One of the things Dr. Lee mentioned about Natsume Hyuuga was that he was also quite detached as a person, and after meeting Hotaru Imai and knowing more of Mikan, it fascinated Akira how someone as outgoing as her ended up being friends with those two.

"Ruka's always been nicer, and he's such a great friend. With Natsume, it's a bit... different."

"Different?"

"Complicated," she corrected herself with an unmistakable expression, and suddenly, Akira is hit with the sinking feeling that different and complicated meant a precious past. She smiled at him. "We had a love-hate relationship because I made him talk about things he didn't want to."

"Ah," he gruffed before taking a sip. He may not have psychic abilities but he knew better than to push it, especially with a woman he was hoping to see again. So he tried to get the conversation rolling back on common ground, "And so how did you and Ruka meet?"

"Natsume and Ruka were the two persons in class who bullied me to death," Mikan laughed, even more when she saw Akira's surprised expression. "Turns out Ruka was a softie. We all became better friends when they got over their self-entitlement. You're free to quote me on that."

Akira immediately deduced that a lot of topics of the past would revert the conversation to one that included Hyuuga. Akira wasn't the type to be jealous over someone he hadn't met, but the sentimental replies made him decide to avoid it altogether.

The rest of dinner was spent discussing her thesis and his project with a nonprofit. They talked about the places they wanted to visit (she, to see the art and architecture of Scandinavian countries, and he, to explore the islands and beaches of the Philippines), the books they've read and the movies they've seen (she loved romantic comedies and Chinese drama series, while he admitted to the classic romances and the occasional thrillers as long as he had a pretty girl with him, wink), their families (she told him about not seeing her grandfather after being away at the Academy, and he talked about his single mother and three older sisters she'd most probably get along with), their childhood dreams (she wanted to be Hotaru Imai's friend for eternity, he wished he could be a zookeeper with fifty pandas to feed), to their current dreams (she wished to find her grandfather again, he wanted to meet his father).

What Akira liked about her was that she was incredibly charming and down-to-earth. She spoke with the effervescence of an excited child and the delight of a young lady, yet she was also polished, careful, and even when she seemed to bare her soul to him, she was veiled behind a mystery he couldn't decode.

Six courses and a discussion of her brief art studies later, he suddenly blurted out, "I'd really like to take you out again."

Mikan's smile seemed to last a few nanoseconds, imperceptible to the typical human eye, but for a doctor he had grown wary of the tiniest seconds and movements. "I'd love to," she finally said, and he breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm having a great time, Akira, but for the sake of it, I also need to be honest with you. I only went today to appease Ruka."

"I did, too." They both laughed. He added, "I'm surprised that we get along. Most blind dates hardly work out anymore."

"Yes but what I mean is that I'm also not looking for anything serious right now."

He wanted to say that he'd be fine with that but it would be a lie. Not with the thoughts he had of her. "Would it be rude to ask why?"

Mikan took a deep breath, seeming to think about her decision, before finally deciding to go for it. "I don't find myself falling in love again."

"Forgive me, but that doesn't sound like you."

"It's not, but, the last guy I was with- it was- it meant- a great deal more than just a relationship." Mikan struggled with the right words. Never had she tried to explain it to people because those who knew better didn't ask, while those who didn't weren't aware of it in the first place. "We were in love, for a long, beautiful time, but we grew apart and thought it best to separate. It took us a while to be friends again… two years, actually. Now that we're better friends we figured it would be best to accept how things ended before, and that, after seeing how happy we've both become, separately, we agreed that maybe our happiness together has already expired. It doesn't change the fact that he's a really special person, and that he cares for me too."

Despite his career as a doctor, no medical case has become half as confusing as this social one. "And so you agreed to not try again?"

"It was a mutual unspoken agreement."

"And you're still friends? Exes can't become friends, everyone knows that. Even if they were friends first."

"Oh, who are you to judge?"

"You're still friends with your ex who won't let you be happy."

"No, I didn't say that. We just agreed to not let our feelings get in the way of our friendship again."

"Then isn't that what you're doing right now?"

Mikan blinked in confusion.

"You both want to be happy, but you're still letting your past meddle with what can happen to you. If that's the case then you probably haven't gotten over your relationship yet, which is exactly why you're insisting on being friends."

She frowned. "I have moved on, but that doesn't mean I'm going to jump in the sea again. I don't think I'll feel the same way as I once did with him."

"What it sounds like to me is that you're not jumping because you still want that one fish."

"Are you sure you didn't know about Natsume before?" Mikan demanded to know, joking but a wee suspicious.

The mention of his name confirmed Akira's suspicions, but he tried not to make that seem as bothering as it actually was. "While I'd enjoy having you on my list of people to spend Christmas with, I can't lie and say that I also wouldn't want you for many days in between. But it also wouldn't sit well with me if you were actually just waiting for him to make the first move. Forgive me if this is unprecedented, but would you care for an outsider's opinion?"

"I don't see why not since you've already started."

"You can think I may just be saying this, but in all honesty, you deserve more. You're not made to wait on someone because he's too busy or too chicken to begin again with you."

"We _both_ deserve more. That's why we're not together again."

"You're not together because you seem to think that you only get one shot at this, and because you've already had yours, you don't get another one. But in all honesty, Mikan, and I am saying this with the most unprejudiced of intentions, what if you do get one chance, but what if it wasn't with him after all?"

The waiters had already started clearing up some of the tables. Mikan stood up and put on her coat. He opened the door for her. A part of him knew he blew it off and after the things he said, there was absolutely no way that she would agree to a second date, but he stood by the fact that Mikan needed to see it from another point of view. She took one step out the door and a strong wisp of the cold December wind slapped her hard like the truth.

"You sure you're in the right career?" she asked suddenly as they walked to his car. "Not law or politics? Maybe get a job as an interrogator?"

"I'm a doctor," he replied with a shrug. "Being honest is a necessity."

"You make a valid point- as absurd as your assumptions may be. It's just that long-term relationships? I don't think they're for me. They always end in either two things. I don't think I'll ever commit as much as I have before, so if that's what you're looking for, I want you to know. Because honestly, I really like you, and it'd be great to not sabotage a possible friendship with the mistake of going for the next level." She paused. Deep breath. "Anyway. Do you want to go for a drink?'

* * *

Ruka strolled across Natsume's apartment and went straight for the refrigerator. He rummaged through a bunch of pre-packaged food, frozen bread, and a couple of beers. He grabbed one and announced loudly, "You're running out of beer."

"You will too if your best friend keeps dropping off for free drinks."

Ruka chuckled but popped open a can anyway. This was one perk that Hotaru's amazing apartment never provided since "alcohol impairs brain function and I do not condone an immature past time". He turned to face Natsume and whistled lowly. "Someone's going to be a heartbreaker tonight."

"You could go," he said nonchalantly as he made an effort to fix his tie. He looked at himself in the mirror and arrogance aside he knew he looked good.

"Or I could drink free alcohol without changing into a suit," Ruka jumped on Natsume's couch and propped his feet on the coffee table, casually pushing a pile of legal pads.

"Put your feet down," Natsume told him off.

"Why are you so snippy? Are you nervous?" Ruka said this as a joke but when it came out he realized the gravity of the situation. "You are."

"Shut up."

"I thought you were over her."

"I am. I was." He said curtly. "Would you stop quizzing me?"

"Natsume, I keep setting her up on blind dates!"

"That's why I'm the better friend. Do you see me sending your girlfriend Tinder profiles when you fight?"

"It's not like you and Mikan are on a half-decade fight."

"You should've known I wasn't okay with it."

"Well I'm sorry I thought you were at least honest with me," Ruka bitterly defended himself.

"I can't even be honest with myself," Natsume retorted snippily, "Can we stop talking about this?"

"Alright, let's not stress ourselves over the levels of your not-relationship. That aside, you should find a date tonight while you're there."

"I'm already going with one," he said simply. Ruka raised his hands in surrender. Natsume took a final look at his suit jacket. He even decided to cuff his sleeves properly. "See you later."

When Mikan and Natsume started to hang out more, their friends felt apprehensive. It was in complete utter frustration that they allowed things to unfold in the way they did; what riled them up as the fact that Mikan and Natsume were conspicuous and clear about how they felt yet similar as to before, they refused to label it as anything beyond friendship.

"Why are you so afraid?" he heard Sumire ask Mikan one drunken night. They were at an _izakaya_ after a particularly long week that consisted of five deadlines, three exams, two presentations, and a blind date. Since reaffirming his friendship with Mikan, he had been noting his calendar with her schedule, but wasn't that normal among friends? Mikan did it all the time, and if he didn't happen to take down Ruka's schedule, who expected him to take note of everything, anyway?

As he was at the adjoining table and there was a crowd among them, Natsume had risked leaning closer for Mikan's answer.

"Because I don't think he'll ever be ready," he heard her say.

And so they continued to play the game that they started in fourth grade.

Natsume was at the heart of the game and Mikan was the gamemaker. She called the shots, she made the rules, and Natsume was just another fool. For the life of him, he couldn't understand how someone of his brains and caliber had ever stooped that low to take part in middle-school entertainment, but Mikan was no regular person and this was no typical game.

Natsume pulled out in front of Mikan's apartment. He sent her a text saying he was parked below and patiently waited for her to come down. It was worth the wait, because she was wearing a beautiful strapless silk number that draped down to her toes like waterfall. It took a second for him to gather his senses.

"That's beautiful," he said with a soft expression. He couldn't help it. He had been lying a lot lately but this was not one of those moments.

"Really?" Mikan grinned. She patted her dress down. "Hotaru helped me pick it out."

"Not the dress," he said bluntly. Their eyes met and Mikan felt a flicker of pleasure. Even though she should've been used to him, Natsume still had the power to make her blush. That was one thing she could never get over, probably. "Come on in. I know you're freezing."

She made herself comfortable on the passenger seat next to him, her arms around the pillow she kept in his car. It was pink, fluffy, and annoying, but it was hers so he allowed it to stay. She looked wistful as she stared out the window, and they reveled in peaceful silence until she broke it.

"Remember when I went back to the Academy after you left?"

How could he? It was part of a decisive carefully-plotted plan to set them apart. They saw her as a distraction so they kept her away. It drove him nuts that he couldn't explain it without hurting her feelings.

"Did I ever tell you that I went back to everywhere we used to go to? The rooftop, the tree, the cafe with the strawberry cinnamon rolls, the bookstore, the restaurant you almost burned down because you thought I was on a date with Tsubasa…"

"You were."

"I was, but it wasn't a romantic date. Anyway, I went everywhere. I guess because I missed you, but I also wanted to see it all. I wanted to remember everything, the good and the bad, but mostly the good." Mikan took a deep sigh. He kept glancing at her every now and then, unsure of her intentions. "That's when I started to do everything alone, and I found out it wasn't so bad after all. By the end of it, you were still the one who helped me out." She licked her drying, trembling lips and this momentarily distracted Natsume, yet not as much as her next statement had buzzed him: "But even though being on my own feels great, I think I'm ready to _not_ be alone."

* * *

Natsume didn't have a game plan, but then again he never did. With Mikan he was always blindsided by his feelings that overtime he gave up on any hope for rationality. All he knew was that, as always, he just wanted to be with her. It didn't even matter if she was kept being promised a dance or that her flute was never empty. He was contented with her smile. He was satisfied with her presence. As long as she was next to him, he was okay.

He went to get a drink to contrast her sweet white wine, and grabbed a plate of desserts she had been raving about all night. As he walked back to their table he was intercepted by an American genealogist he once worked with. It was six minutes too long that by the end of it he had to use _his companion_ as an excuse.

Six minutes too long was apparently all it took to lose her that night.

Mikan still sat on their table, but someone else had already occupied his seat. He was a young polished gentleman with blonde hair and a permanent smile. The two of them laughed like close friends, and despite his hand briefly meeting her arm in a gentle caress, Natsume didn't think any of it, until he found out who he was.

"Natsume," she called him over when he approached, "This is Akira Watanabe. I've told you about him, remember? He's Ruka's friend."

Ah, yes. Just one among Ruka's long list of single male acquaintances who ended up as Mikan's blind date. Suddenly Mikan and Akira's interaction didn't seem friendly to Natsume anymore.

Nevertheless he reached over and shook the doctor's hands. Smooth, warm, firm. Nothing like Natsume's hold on her. "Hyuuga," he introduced himself in a manner that would make Yuu Tobita proud. He even attempted to look gracious and welcoming, but judging from Mikan's silly frown it was off-putting. "Didn't expect you to be here."

"Me neither, but there are quite a number of people I want to be acquainted to."

"Maybe I can help with that," Mikan offered. Natsume couldn't help but snort. She elbowed him.

Akira had a funny smile on his face. Natsume resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Where was Koko when you needed him?

"Or maybe my friend could help you," she suggested again, and for a moment Natsume thought she meant Imai (good luck with that) until she added, "Won't you, Natsume?"

Natsume forced a smile. "I've met some people here but I can't say we're well-acquainted to begin with."

"As you can see, he has difficulty maintaining social graces," Mikan joked with a subtle pinch on Natsume's arm.. "He's being modest. He could name more than half of them here. He's been doing it all night."

Natsume had a flash of their earlier evening. Gesturing at guests and telling her their secrets, their stories, even all their partners. It frustrated Mikan that he knew so much but could never tell her where he got the information. She even half-suspected he was making them up as they talked.

"I'd take on that offer if he would," Akira said kindly.

"He would," Mikan answered for him. When Akira excused himself to talk to some colleagues, Mikan turned to Natsume, "So what did you think of him? He's nice, right?"

Natsume made a noncommittal sound. She took it as his agreement.

"Of course he is. He's a doctor. You didn't get any sort of creepy vibe from him? We're going on a second date. Just to be on the safe side."

He told her no, but a selfish part of him wished he remained selfish. That he could have her just as he did. That they could always be just content with what they had.

Mikan didn't seem to notice his indifference towards Akira, until much later when she mentioned that Akira offered to take her home. It wasn't particularly bothersome until she added, "I told him I'll ask my friend first."

Meeting Akira had helped Mikan come into terms with the complexity of her (lack of) relationship with Natsume. Akira reminded her what it felt to actually be so comfortable with someone who wasn't your friend. Someone who wasn't Natsume. While it was a good kind of different, it also terrified her in a way, because if she was no good with Natsume, who knew her like the back of his hand, who listened to all her childish dreams and inconsequential blabberings, her late night fears and worries, how could she be anyone next to someone else?

"Friend?" Natsume repeated, letting the word roll out of his tongue in the most bittersweet manner. He thought friend was the apt term to describe their relationship and he was satisfied with that. Now it sounded like a curse.

"Why are you getting so worked up? We always introduce each other as friends." She knew exactly what he was getting worked up about, but the reasons weren't something she needed to voice out loud. What they had was complicated no matter how simplified they tried to explain it. There was no need to spell them out loud.

She knew what game they were playing, but at that moment she realized she didn't want to go through all of it again.

Maybe Akira was right. Maybe Natsume wasn't her one and only shot at being happy.

"Does he know you have an Alice?" he asked urgently.

"Does it matter? And he knows Ruka can speak to every variety of animal. You're bound to know these things when you're at a safari and one of your colleagues is on his elbows cooing at a jackal."

When Mikan hinted she was ready to seriously consider dating again, Natsume thought she meant with him.

But that night, as he drove back home alone, the ghost of Mikan's perfume drifting in his car, he realized that she meant with anyone _but_ him.

* * *

Mikan had been recently spending her weekdays studying for her finals and working on her thesis. On weekends, her days were reserved for Akira Watanabe. The only time Natsume got to talk to her was when he'd give her a lift to school, but with the semester ending, she was about to have a different class schedule and who knew when she'd have time for him- her vacant time was completely overtaken by that hematologist. Even her email updates have considerably lessened.

"Are you whining?" she asked with a laugh. Who knew Natsume could actually be a pouter?

"I'm just saying you don't spend as much time with me anymore."

"That's what it's called. I can't believe you're whining. This is the happiest day of my life." He scowled at this. "Oh, wipe that expression off your face. You'd have been the same."

It was Friday evening and both of them were in Mikan's apartment. Over the last few weeks, it had been heavily redecorated, much to Natsume's chagrin. There was a newly installed retractable bookshelf, a new paint job of pale yellow and turquoise, and seemingly irrelevant new additions that would come unnoticed if the person hadn't been visiting the apartment bi-weekly. There were more photo frames. An enormous display of hydrangeas and tulips. Chocolates in boxes. A small box of movie tickets, short letters, dinner cards, front-row seats. Natsume knew because she showed him.

Him, of all people. Did the girl lose her sense of tact along the way as well?

"How long are you getting ready for?"

There was stretched silence. She cleared her throat and asked reproachfully, "Are we… Do we have plans?"

Natsume eyed her carefully. It wasn't like her to forget. She had _everyone's_ schedule imprinted on her mind, how could she forget _her_ own plans?

"Natsume?" Mikan pressed nervously, finally noting the pressed shirt he was donning, "Did I forget something?"

Natsume pursed his lips. If she wasn't getting ready for dinner then it was obvious who she was wearing such a fancy dress for and unfortunately it wasn't for him. "No, I just came by," he lied. He abruptly stood up, catching Mikan by surprise, who was still in deep thought, "You're going out with Watanabe?"

"Yes, we're eating with some people from work… Natsume, are you _sure_ we didn't make plans for tonight?"

"I'm sure." He tried to sound normal but his voice came out hard and forceful. He needed to get going. Who knew what might happen if he stayed long enough and ended up face-to-face with that doctor?

Apparently, the answer to that came the very same night.

It was half past eleven in the evening. He knew Mikan would have gone home early because she had work the next day. What he didn't expect was that Watanabe would stay for coffee. Just as he pushed open the gate to Mikan's apartment, Natsume was stopped by the sight of the doctor in his stupid confident stride and a patterned tie he knew Mikan ordered online from her phone, after sending Natsume himself nine screenshots to choose from.

What a stupid tie. He thought it was for him.

"Hyuuga, right?" he greeted him.

The audacity to pretend he didn't know his name well. "Yes. Is Mikan up?"

"She's about to go to bed. Why do you ask?"

"Why do you care?"

It was a reflexive arrogant Hyuuga response, and it was not received kindly by Akira. He raised his eyebrow at Natsume's attitude.

"Are you drunk?" he asked suspiciously although Akira didn't need confirmation. He was aware of the tell-tale signs: slow pupil responses, glossy eyes. Despite Natsume's flawless motor coordination and perfect balance, the mild sweating also gave it away.

Natsume scowled. "It's none of your business."

"It is if you're planning to go to Mikan's apartment."

"Why? You're not her boyfriend."

"Neither are you."

This statement, if spoken back when Natsume was a passive aggressive teenager, would have earned Watanabe a fireball in his car, but because he and Mikan had a silent agreement that they would always try to be on their best behaviors should these things happen, he resisted the temptation to singe even a strand of the doctor's hair.

Or that ridiculously stupid tie.

"Do you have a problem with me, doctor? Because I'd really like to talk to my _friend_ alone."

"I know you're more than a friend to her. You don't need to pretend that I don't know."

"Then you also know–"

"How she feels for you, yes. But like I told her it's about time she learns that happiness can come from more than one place."

"She's found it without your help, funnily enough."

"Then you should know there's no logic finding it in the same place she lost it." This hit a nerve with Natsume. He stayed fuming and Akira went on, "Look, on our first date, Mikan told me she couldn't see herself ending up with someone else aside from you. She was convinced that you were made for each other."

"And this is helping your case how?"

"She doesn't think that way anymore."

Confident. Cocky. This guy reminded Natsume of himself and that irritated him greatly. "I'll let her tell me that."

"Hyuuga," Akira held up a hand to stop him. A part of him had turned wary, because even though Mikan never spoke in depth about Natsume's skills, Akira could tell that Natsume could kick his ass in half a second. "It's late. You're not sober. You should go." He voiced this with finality, half praying that Natsume would take the hint.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to hear the things you said from Mikan herself."

"And what happens if she tells you she's happy? You're going to burn her apartment down?"

Natsume scowled. Pesky how someone he hardly knew could get to him.

"I'm going to be honest with you. Half of the things I said is to drive you away, but you have to agree that Mikan deserves to be happy, and so far things are going pretty well with us. But should she not, or once she gets tired, you know whose arms she'd run back to."

"If she does that, I won't be fair." Natsume ran a hand through his face. This was pathetic. Figures that the moment he decided to confront Mikan was when he'd so conveniently be interfered by her latest date. He didn't believe in fate, coincidence, or karma. Timing, yes, and he was terribly off-tune. He could calculate numbers and movements but failed with matters related to her.

Natsume turned to leave but stopped in his tracks when Akira called after him.

"She's right about you, you know." Natsume didn't have the energy to ask what it meant. He didn't reply, slammed his car door close, and drove off to the midnight road.

Akira watched the convertible vanish into the night with great unsafe speed. He wondered if he did the right thing, because what Mikan said was true and Akira saw it firsthand that night, in his first and last one-on-one encounter with Natsume Hyuuga: he loved her too much.

* * *

Natsume moved out of Tokyo shortly after. In hindsight, it had nothing to do with Mikan. Since his return from Basel, he remained within assistance in researches while maintaining an office job, or "a piece of normality," as Imai jested. Kobe was one of the top city haven of FDI companies and international businesses in the country. It was a place where you didn't necessarily see the same person more than three times. It was a convenient location for investigative work, away from the bustling populated Tokyo capital, but he also couldn't deny the timely perks of being distant.

Currently, he was helping a research institute develop a sort of anesthetic drug that regulates the shape and use of intermittent Alices. The idea was to preserve the third shape, but on Natsume's wing, he was testing the effects of the same drug among fourth shapes. His involvement costs him at least ten hours a week at the institute and the rest immersed in investigative research.

This also meant that Natsume barely had time to be a good friend. In the past six months, he had only came back to Tokyo thrice, twice of that for business. He spent the initial part of winter season in Kobe poring over an extortion case that couldn't have come at a more apt time. It was right smack the holidays, and although Ruka had given him a hard time for bailing out on their plans before his out-of-country trip, Natsume was thankful.

He didn't think he was ready to see her yet.

Backtrack to November, Natsume received a package the morning of his birthday. It was a personalized wooden catchall tray which currently sat on his office desk. It came with a handwritten letter wishing him a happy birthday and reminding him to stop working for thirty minutes to enjoy the dinner she preordered for him.

Five months of not seeing each other and she still maneuvered the game he thought he was no longer part of.

* * *

Hotaru drew back the curtains on Mikan's apartment. "Get up."

"I'm healing my heart," Mikan replied dramatically. She took a mouthful of ice cream as she sat comfortably on her bed, her bowl perched atop a mess of blankets, tissues, and cheap convenience store chocolate wrappers. Hotaru had already seen Mikan going through a breakup, and this scene hardly compared to it.

With this in mind, Hotaru scoffed. "We both know it's not over Watanabe."

"I'm entitled to be sad even just a little bit. Now shh, I'm watching Mr. Darcy."

Peevish, Hotaru slammed the laptop shut. "What are you even sad about? He was just another nice guy who knew how to treat you."

"He was nice to you, too."

"He's scared of me. Didn't you see his fingers tapping his knee the first time we had dinner together? When I asked him to pass the salt I thought he was having a seizure."

"Then you can say 'Good riddance', pat my back and tell me it's going to be okay."

"Good riddance to him, but it's not going to be okay."

Mikan waved her half-empty spoon in front of Hotaru's face teasingly. "Ooh I heard about your drama from Ruka. You don't want me to date."

"I don't approve blind dating. Vast difference."

She sighed wearily, "Then how will I meet someone? That's sort of how dating works, you know."

"No, you go out and meet people. You attend classes and meet people. You find people outside your social circle. That's how you're sure it's not a thing based on convenience."

"You're dating a guy who sat at the back of your classes all your life."

"Sometimes he sat next to me."

Mikan scoffed at this, although with a smile. Even the corners of Hotaru's lips tilted. She made herself comfortable next to the heartbroken best friend and turned the laptop on. As Elizabeth Bennet's face appeared on the screen, Mikan snuggled comfortably under the blankets, calmed by the fact that at least she had her best friend, like how Charlotte still had Elizabeth even when she married Mr. Collins for the sake of stability than romance.

If Mikan still chose to stay with Akira, she was pretty sure Hotaru would still be there for her.

"You know what you're doing?" Hotaru paused, waiting to see if Mikan would refuse honesty. "You're not running away. You're running back. You've let go of a lot of things the last five years, and you've even let the person go, but you're holding onto the memories."

"They were darn good ones," she moaned wistfully, imagining once more his smile, his touch, his eyes, his kiss...

"Speak for yourself. You know how many meals I had to sit through with you two arguing about the stupidest of things?"

Mikan didn't reply. It was already a good fifteen minutes through the movie when she asked in the most timid of voices, "Then what do I do?"

The thing with Hotaru was she was incredibly blunt, but at the same time impossible to read. This was one of those times.

Hotaru never tried to meddle with Mikan's affairs. Even when she was trying to find her rhythm and jumped from one random job to the next, Hotaru only voiced her disapproval. Mikan knew that even though Hotaru never said it out loud, her best friend trusted that she would do the right thing should a choice become imminent. Hotaru's job was simply to show the facts.

Hotaru loved how happy Mikan was with Natsume. She hardly paid excessive attention except to poke fun of the two, but the protective instincts kicked in after they broke up. Although she couldn't solely blame him, she wished Natsume figured a less hurtful way of breaking Mikan's heart. As Hotaru wasn't one for dramatics, she first couldn't figure out why Mikan was excessively mourning and why she took a sudden interest on new hobbies (Chinese? Knitting? _Outdoor activities_? God forbid she ever discovered cliff diving).

But right now, Hotaru wished she could meddle because Mikan was looking so dearly confused, and it wasn't even because she was torn between two men. It was because one man had her heart, and she didn't even know when it happened again.

* * *

Natsume decided to stay in Kobe for Christmas. A week prior, Mikan sent him a voicemail telling him off for working during the holidays. He had to give it to her, she knew sending a voicemail would lessen the chances of him enumerating his well-rehearsed excuses. She went on and on about him being distant ever since he moved to the Prefecture, only to inform him at the end of her rant that she was spending Christmas at a provincial orphanage and maybe he would like to meet her halfway so they could spend the day after together?

He was particular with the points of the voicemail that he answered: No, he couldn't leave his job. Yes, it's top secret. No, he didn't think Ruka was proposing to Hotaru. Yes, he knew Mochu got into a construction accident. Yes, he went to see him. No, he didn't think of calling Mikan because he was only back for three hours before running off to a meeting. He didn't answer her invitation, and Mikan didn't ask again.

Christmas Eve, he received a video call by no less than a slightly irate Ruka Nogi who still held a grudge that his best friend was a no-show when he was about to head to Zanzibar for two months. He was spending the night with Sumire and Koko at Roppongi Hills before sharing drinks back home.

"Stop growling," Natsume said amusingly. "Anyway, aren't you supposed to celebrate Christmas with your _girlfriend_?"

"After winning Best Bromance six years in a row I figured we could make it work for one night. Besides, Hotaru's fourteen hours behind. She'll kill me if I call too early."

"Where's your girlfriend, Natsume?" Koko piped from behind.

Ruka knocked Koko on the head. "It's not your turn yet." To Natsume, he wanted to confirm, "You're really spending Christmas alone? Pretty sure even Secret Service goes on vacation. Maybe you should've taken their offer."

"You rejected the Secret Service?" he heard Sumire comment from behind. She suddenly grabbed the phone from Ruka, her hair bundled at the back of her head in an artful disarray. "Hon, that would've made you the hottest soldier East Asia has ever seen. Wouldn't hurt risking your pretty face every now and then."

Natsume smirked and Sumire blew him a kiss through the screen. When Ruka came back, Natsume complained, "I spent Christmas alone for two years in Europe and no one cared to ask how I was doing."

"That's because we were an ocean apart. Now you're barely seven hours away and you couldn't even bother to make a trip." Ruka's features softened once he registered Natsume's silence and refusal to answer. "Have you called her?"

He scoffed. "You know me better than that."

A week later, on New Year's Eve, Natsume sat on the same couch, his tv on the same channel, eating the same takeout food. His feet were propped on the footrest Yuu got him, and on his coffee table, perched proudly atop his work files, was the rocking cocktail glass from Mikan. It was a pretty generic Christmas gift considering but for some reason every time he picked up a bottle of wine, he could hear her asking if he could make her a cosmo.

Imai was right. He was pathetic.

On cue, his phone rang and caller ID said it was the confronting Mikan Sakura. He took a drink before falling back against the couch. He closed his eyes and imagined the conversation that would unfold.

"I got your gift," she would say after thanking him, followed by a question, "But for some reason it came alone. You're not coming home for New Year's?"

He would tell her that he was too busy with work to make the trip, and that he didn't want to spend the New Year with Imai, anyway. In the background, Imai would comment that at least they agreed on something, and then Mikan would tell them off for arguing again, on the first day of the year, no less. Then Mikan would add that it was nice of Ruka to get them a suite to celebrate, but she really wished Natsume came home, and when was he even planning to get back anyway because she hasn't seen him in months? In the background, Imai would complain that Mikan talked too much for anyone to get a word in, and that she should hang up the phone because they might be late for their dinner reservation.

"What reservation," Mikan would ask, and Natsume would already be formulating a quick goodbye, knowing full well that Imai would not let the opportunity of embarrassing him slip through her fingers.

And had he answered Mikan's phone call, he would most probably hear Imai say, in all her wicked teasing glory, "The reservation that your not-boyfriend set up," and Mikan would giggle and gush about how sweet it was of Natsume that he didn't forget her birthday.

But none of it took place, because Natsume didn't pick up his phone. His eyes remained shut and as he waited for the ringing to disperse, and all the while he asked to whoever was listening if he'd ever get the balls to tell her how he felt.

It was a game he tried to control, but for the life of him, Mikan remained to be the gamemaster.

* * *

Natsume had just finished a meeting with a client when the lawyer came up to him after the briefing.

He regarded her without looking up. "Anything else to discuss, Miss Ihara?"

Natsume knew what the woman wanted even before she opened his mouth. In fact, before this meeting he had seen her a number of times in the past week alone. Every afternoon he would walk down to the coffee shop across the street to clear his head midday, and she always sat at the same corner booth eating a bowl of overpriced pasta salad.

It wasn't because he was looking. The woman had been sneaking glances and it grew impossible to ignore. He blamed it on years of training that made him acutely sensitive. Mizuho Ihara, with her Latin honors, Psychology degree, and Juris Doctorate, was no different than most he came across with.

"Are you heading home?"

"No."

She seemed blissfully unaware of his terseness, or she was incredibly insistent and chose to ignore it. "Would you like to have dinner with me?"

Natsume considered his next words, figuring out the best way to turn her down. He had long outgrown being rude to evade these sort of circumstances, but he also didn't want people at work to think he was too nice. It was bad for business and frankly he couldn't be bothered with socializing.

He opened his mouth to decline but she added, "You're tired and unfocused and for the last fifteen minutes of the meeting you did nothing but drive my client against the wall in extreme paranoia. You're sensitive to unnecessary sounds and when you got an unexpected call, you snapped at the person at the end of the line. You're stressed and you need to relax. Hence, my dinner invitation."

Humored, he indulged in her offer.

* * *

It wasn't the first time she tried to call him.

When Natsume moved away, Mikan orchestrated ways to visit him, but when it became unequivocal that he wasn't as interested in seeing her again, Mikan lowered her expectations, lessened her plans, until they became nothing but scribbles on pieces of paper and cancelled attempts to get together.

At first it was because of Akira. Although he never stopped her from seeing or talking to Natsume, Mikan knew Akira deserved a fair chance. He was all sorts of nice. He treated her well and never forced her to do anything, to answer anything. When she let him kiss her, it was pleasant and peaceful. Mikan wished things could be that simple forever… until they weren't.

She clicked _Confirm_ and waited for the email notification informing her of the details of her roundtrip ticket to Kobe. On a virtual notepad, she had typed a checklist: Mt. Rokko, Mt. Maya, Ikuta Shrine, Meriken Park, Natsume Hyuuga...

Over time they felt better, but it never felt right. What she shared with Natsume was a tangled array of hits and misses, could have beens, and bad timing. They lived their lives together and apart, yet how many times do they have to prove that being away did more bad than good? So this time, she was taking charge; with one more chance, Mikan was going to play the game.

She picked up the phone again and dialed his number. She used to avoid calling him many times a day, thinking he was occupied with work. He had a horribly erratic schedule that sometimes she'd even call between nine in the evening and seven in the morning, and he'd still be busy. He never hung up first, she noticed. He tried to maintain his distance, but he never let her feel as if he needed or wanted it.

He answered after four rings. He was breathless, his voice low and rough. The mere sound of it made her blush, recalling the many times that same voice breathed against her neck, her collarbones, her-

"Are you snoring?"

She coughed in embarrassment. "Hey, how are you? I didn't know you flew back here yesterday."

Not a courtesy call, then, Natsume thought from the other end _. "_ It was a quick visit."

"It's always a quick visit with you. Not even a hi? I could've settled for an order of _takoyaki_."

She could hear the smile in his voice. "I could have bought the whole truck and you still wouldn't be done talking."

"Wouldn't take that long if you picked up the phone every now and then. I wouldn't have known you even came back if Hotaru didn't tell me." _You shouldn't have had lunch with her and Ruka if you didn't want me to know_.

"They were in the area," he said curtly. "Unlike you, they don't nag me when I'm coming back. Imai would have preferred I lived somewhere farther. Alaska, probably."

"You'd be the hottest commodity in Alaska. I wouldn't want to share." It was times like these, words like these, that Mikan couldn't help herself.

There was a low rumble of laughter on his end. "Not making it easier, Sakura."

She smiled. It was nice to hear his voice, even for a while. "Wouldn't be me if I didn't make it difficult."

* * *

"Hey, Mikan! Look who's here."

"Where are you?" She heard Natsume's voice before his window graced the video conference.

Oh dear god. This is not what she needed. Not when she's 1200 meters above sea level. Not even the mediocre reception can mess with how good he looked. Even if it did, she had superb, untainted memory that could put any professionally-taken photographs meaningless.

"She went up to Mt. Ophir," Hotaru answered, her tone thick with displeasure. "Alone. The idiot."

"You'd have loved it here, Hotaru!" Mikan gushed, choosing to ignore the heat on her cheeks and her ears. Hopefully they'd think she was just tired. Or that reception was so bad she started changing colors. Surely that happened? "The air is nice, service is cheaper, and KL is a food hub! Even the people you meet are friendly."

"People?" Natsume taunted. "Not for Imai then."

"Maybe you could go here with your girlfriend," Mikan offered nonchalantly.

Ruka laughed. There was also a bit of noise from his end, as he was video-calling from Nonoko's convention during break. "I couldn't even get Hotaru to go to the gym. She insisted on building her own."

"I wasn't talking about you. I meant Natsume."

Ruka's shock was too much that he dropped his phone on the floor. Hotaru had an odd expression on her face, trying to decipher Mikan through her micro-window. Mikan maintained her best to look innocent as Natsume and Ruka argued through the screens of their four-way video call..

"How could you not tell me?" Ruka demanded.

"I don't have a girlfriend, Ruka."

"Mikan doesn't lie."

"Then Sakura is wrong. Seriously, she hiked up a mountain alone thinking she'll be fine. We all know she's not getting down without collateral damage."

"Oh, very funny, Hyuuga," Mikan rolled her eyes. "But I do need to get down soon." She added in an afterthought, "So you don't have a girlfriend?"

"No idea where you pick up these things."

"Huh," she pursed her lips, although the uncontainable grin was too hard to resist. "Have fun. Say hi to Nonoko for me, Ruka."

Not too long after, she received a text from Hotaru, although she didn't get to read it until she was at the third campsite thirty minutes later: _I don't know what you're doing_ , the message read, _but it's too obvious. You could have just asked me to do it._

 _I thought you weren't interested in helping me._

 _You're about as subtle as a bomb. I'm embarrassed for you. Safe hike._

Mikan remained in a good mood as she continued down the mountain. She was in a good mood when she had an authentic local dinner at a hole-in-the-wall near her hotel. Her smile was incomparable in all the photos she took with her fellow solo travellers, as they visited the Hindu temples, marveled at the building exteriors, and climbed the gold-painted Batu Cave. She couldn't mask her excitement while shopping at the Central Market, wondering what to bring him home from her trip. When she flew back to Tokyo, she reluctantly said goodbye to her newfound friends and to Kuala Lumpur, but at the same time wondering when she'd get to share it with someone back in Kobe.

* * *

"Do you know a Mikan Sakura?"

He froze mid-signing. Mikan never called his work phone. She didn't even _know_ his work phone. He gathered his panicking senses and rumbled, "Tell her I'm unavailable."

"What do you mean you're unavailable?" An all-too familiar voice reprimanded him. A chill ran down his back, but there was also pleasure. She came to him first. She knew him too well. Mikan stepped inside his office with a scowl. "You're right here."

"Ihara!" Natsume barked, "What did I tell you about letting anyone in without telling me?"

Mizuho drew herself in, holding a box of brownies, one that Natsume easily recognized from Anna's kitchen. He should have expected it already. Mikan didn't play fair. "You're not the boss of me," Mizuho declared as she popped another brownie in her mouth.

"I am. Go back outside. And stop eating while on the job." He was familiar with the obsession that followed after the brownie consumption. Aside from the spike of alcohol, he was pretty sure there was some voodoo going on.

Mikan laughed before setting her things down. She didn't sit; she glanced around his office in immense interest. "Your secretary is pretty. Nice, too."

Natsume watched her circle around, making the room seem smaller despite its spacious size. The billowing skirt of her floral sundress danced as she walked. She was taking gentle steps but every tap, tap of her shoes mirrored the irregular beating of his heart.

"She's my legal assistant," he corrected her, before adding loudly, "Unfortunately she's about to get fired."

"Worth it!" Mizuho sang back.

Natsume turned back to Mikan whose smile was ethereal. "What brings you here?"

"I haven't seen you in so long," Mikan gushed, evading his question. "You look well. And you even decorated!" She lightly touched the sole framed piece on his wall, spanning across half the space. An original Frank Stella. An optical illusion of an artwork, much like the mind of the elusive Natsume Hyuuga. She recognized other modern minimalist works like the quaint monochromatic sculpture on his shelf. "Is that a Gilcozar? Good choice. You did great."

"Mizuho did."

"His office was as lifeless as his face," Mizuho commented through the machine on his desk.

"I'm warning you!" To Mikan, he tried again, "Visiting someone?"

"I heard the wagyu beef here is exceptional," she said with a secretive smile.

"Are you travelling alone?" _Are you with Akira?_

"Yes. Oh, and next month I'm going to Oki. I might ask Ruka if he's interested in going. I heard the snakes there are deadly but he might like some new friends. Travelers, I meant. Not just snakes."

Natsume didn't dare ask what he wanted to know, but then he figured she wouldn't have come here with him. Despite her desire for world peace, she wouldn't do that. After all, a hematologist was no match for a pyrokinetic in a duel.

"Kuala Lumpur, Noto, Kanazawa, Kobe, Oki Islands… you've been going places, Sakura. I'm ashamed the farthest I've been is the cafe across the street."

"You should be, you uncultured swine," she joked, but then remembered the artwork in his office. "Okay, maybe you're not _that_ bad."

"And after Oki?"

"Maybe Shikoku or Seoul, who knows?" Natsume noted her relaxed stance, the slight tan, and the flushed cheeks. It wasn't embarrassment or discomfort; she was simply glowing. "I'm trying not to plan ahead too much. Takes the fun out of traveling. Maybe you'd like to come with me in the next one?"

"Give me a three-month heads up."

Mikan shook her head with a laugh. "Should have known. What about lunch? Wakako told me there's a great wagyu place not too far from here. She knows the owner and got me a reservation. I could surely use a familiar face."

Natsume made quick decisions in his mind. After months of successfully avoiding direct contact, she took a plane, stepped in his office, and demanded a meal. Did he trust himself to be ready in front of her?

He instead promised her breakfast the next day, before she toured the city alone. He told her had overlapping meetings and couldn't afford to cancel. Surely she'd understand? She caught him by surprise, after all.

"I'll wait for you," she shrugged with the gentlest smile.

They talked for a bit, chatting about their friends, Ruka, and possible trips. Safe topics and vague plans. He wanted to ask her more, he wanted some clarification, but because she didn't bring it up, he decided not to mention it.

"So _that_ was Mikan Sakura," Mizuho said once Mikan had turned a corner. "She's the reason why you wouldn't go out with me."

He knew the last bit was a jest at his assumption when they first met, something she kept reminding him with every chance she could afford. "Wasn't joking about firing you."

Mizuho snorted. "You were. Besides, she said I was pretty."

Natsume scowled. He knew where this was going. " _She's a girl_."

"I know she's a girl. That's why I like her."

"I meant she's not interested in other girls," Natsume clarified irritatingly.

"Are you cockblocking me?"

His eyes inadvertently went to her lower torso. "I don't think that applies."

"You're unbelievable."

"And you're abominable."

"Because I like girls?!"

"No, because you know I like her."

"Who do you like?" Mikan's voice rang through his office. She walked to his desk to pick up her bejeweled phone, lying in the open. "Sorry, forgot my phone."

"Our new receptionist," Natsume immediately answered, not trusting Mizuho to say the right thing. "Quite efficient. Have you met her?"

"She wasn't there when I came back."

"Hard to miss her. She's a grandma," Mizuho snickered.

"Huh. No grey hairs sighted. You might want to reconsider her efficiency- kidding. Anyway, I'm running late for my reservation. You sure you don't want to have the wagyu with me? My treat."

He made an elaborate and slightly dramatic gesture towards the pile of folders on his desk. Mizuho rolled her eyes. She knew it was the finished pile. He worked in such aggravatingly exceptional speed, she sometimes wished he at least tried to act human. It was bad enough he was incomparably shrewd. People in the office already had a hard time trying to keep up with him on an average day.

Mikan was evidently dismayed. Catching this, Mizuho made an offer, "Actually, I haven't had my lunch break yet." Natsume looked up in alarm, not liking one bit the way-too innocent smile on Mizuho's face. "I can show you around a bit. Do you mind?"

They agreed to meet at the lobby while Mizuho got ready. When she went back to Natsume's office to hand over the legal paperwork she had already reviewed, he held on her wrist firmly, "Don't."

"Oh, please. The girl's obviously straight, even I couldn't change that," Mizuho winked, pretending she didn't know what he meant.

Natsume geared himself; it was the longest hour and a half. He was less worried about Mizuho flirting with Mikan but more with what his legal assistant would end up saying. He never spoke into great lengths about her, if he could help it. Often he was curt, but as expected of a law degree holder, Mizuho was a feisty beady-eyed thing. She's heard of bachelors who worked far from home, but rarely did she discover someone who, for eight months, dreaded coming home.

"She's cute, so I get your obsession now," Mizuho declared as she launched in an unnecessary extensive narrative of her lunch with Mikan, narrowly avoiding the points he was more curious about. "Also, we have so much in common. You _never_ told me anything about her. I could've made it easier for you."

Natsume snorted. "The only thing you have in common is a double X chromosome."

Mizuho ignored him and started to enumerate her recently-discovered shared similarities, "She likes beef-"

" _Exactly._ "

"-traveling, pointing out you're wrong…"

"Her boyfriend," he interrupted bitterly.

It was Mizuho's turn to find his words funny. "The guy from three months ago if I'm not mistaken."

"Try half a year," Natsume grumbled. He went back to the case and tried to focus on the words scribbled across his copy of the Constitution: _...a person who has committed the crime prescribed under the preceding Article confesses before a judgment becomes final and binding or before a disciplinary action is taken in the case of-_

"No, Hyuuga, didn't you hear what I just said? _._ "

"I know, alright, from three months..." he trailed off. Mizuho eyed him suggestively, and slowly the pieces started coming together.

Mikan was traveling alone. Mikan _never_ tried something new unless she was trying to distract herself. She didn't leave her phone by accident. She meant to leave it so she could go back and ask him again, in hopes that he might change his mind. She didn't choose the city by random; she could have gone to Matsumoto for the castles, Nagasaki for the architecture, or even neighbouring Kyoto for the culture. Kobe was more cosmopolitan, busier, populous.

Mikan Sakura was here for him.

* * *

Natsume tried not to dissect too much the whys and hows of Mikan's arrival to Kobe. The next morning, as he waited at the corner of the cafe with his second coffee, counting down the minutes until she would flit through the door with her hair messily tied at the back of her head, he tried to distract himself with his nonsensical observations of the outside. Yet his mind refused to be fooled and his thoughts kept drifting to her face. He groaned in frustration, ignoring the slightly frightened lady on the next table. Maybe he should've asked Mikan yesterday about Akira, it could've been a casual comment, would've made the morning's waiting game less aggravating.

The answer was still unclear even when she sat across him ten minutes later, in a blue sweater and jeans that was as plain as how he wished the situation was.

She first told him about her plans for the day, and he threw in helpful suggestions while challenging her dismal luck of finding danger in a city with one of the lowest crime rates. She asked about his work, and he made nonspecific comments about his leads on phishing scams. This reminded her about the down-payment she needed to deposit for the cleaners at the creek.

"You should come home for the summer, Natsume," she gently nudged. "Everyone misses you. It'd be nice to have us all in one place again."

"I manage an entire office, Mikan. I can't just go take a summer break."

She shrugged, "Then cut your people some slack. You should relax a bit and live a little. We'll be at the creek next month. I wasn't sure if you were reading my emails so I tried to make them concise."

"I've read them," was all he said. He didn't mention the unsent replies that piled up in his Drafts folder.

"You should think about it," she said sincerely. "I'd really like for you to be there."

Mikan wasn't stupid. She knew the reasons why Natsume didn't try as hard to make an effort to visit home.

But now it was clear as day, the timing was perfect, and there was no way they could screw this up. He just needed some encouragement to the right direction.

Natsume cleared his throat, snapping her from fairy-tale thoughts. "Why don't you invite Akira?"

She looked at him weirdly. "Akira and I broke up three months ago."

A flicker of surprise, gratitude, and a tiny speck of fear. He tried to limit his suspicions the night before, but the truth felt different from her mouth. It was the finality that served as assurance. "You didn't mention it in your email."

"I thought it was crystal by the sheer amount of email updates I sent." She gave a dismissive shrug. "We ran into each other a couple of weeks ago and had a good talk. We're okay now."

"Bet that meeting was orchestrated." _Who wouldn't want you back?_

"I really don't get the animosity between you two." _Why didn't you try to get along?_

"He was jealous." _He made you happy._

"That, he was." _And so were you_.

Natsume opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. She tried to hide her smile. She knew what he wanted to know.

"Akira was good to me," Mikan said slowly, careful to breach the subject. "More than actually. He was attentive and kind and I was in love with him. But whenever he was being good to me, I kept thinking that maybe I was too lucky. I was worried that I didn't deserve him. Not when… Anyway, it was better if I didn't let it go on. Better for me, but more so for him."

"You told me you were happy." Curious, not accusatory.

"I was… Happier than I've been in a long time. All that talk about being happy on your own was incomparable, still incomparable, when I was him. I guess that feeling stayed for so long because I thought I didn't have another chance again. Not after us." She looked at him straight in the eyes, trying to convey the deep, raw emotion in her heart. Her next words were almost whispered but firm, "I came to see you. I missed you."

"I know," he answered quietly.

"You wouldn't come home. You ignored my calls."

"I did."

"You tried to avoid me every time."

"Are you making a list of all my sins for me?"

"I thought we stopped being friends."

"Is that still what you call me?"

"If that's how you'll treat me."

No more fleeting emotions peeked through the crevices for the rest of breakfast. Natsume tried to focus on her words than her lips. It was nearing nine when they parted ways; he promised to have dinner with her before she left the next day so she gave him her hotel room and promised she'd look nice for him. As if she never was.

The frustration dawned on Natsume when she left. It was like she nullified all thoughts and worries when they were together, making him feel warm and comfortable. He drove to the office, trying to map out his conversation to make the least bit coherent as he demanded answers.

"So how was your date?" Mizuho grinned as he came in. "Oh, you don't look happy. Did she turn you down again?"

"You really want a pink slip?"

Mizuho scoffed. "Ridiculous. I'm not afraid of you."

Natsume grimaced because she was right. There were indeed perks of having someone in your staff who didn't cower when your patience was wearing thin. "Get Ruka on the phone."

"Can I listen?" Mizuho asked this time. Natsume scowled at her and she laughed before going back outside to contact Ruka.

As soon as his friend picked up, Natsume hissed, "Why didn't you tell me they broke up?"

Ruka had a pretty good idea who he meant. After all, there was only one female Natsume could ever stress about. "Good morning to you too, buddy. It was in the spirit of full disclosure that Hotaru made me swear I wouldn't yap about Mikan's love life again."

"What happened to you saying you had my back?"

"Why didn't _you_ ask her, then?" Ruka said irritably. "For someone who claims to care for her, you're doing a pretty awful job."

"I do care for her."

"Not enough to be with her."

"It's not easy."

"It's not that difficult, either." Ruka sighed, needled at the exchange. "You specialize in tracking degenerates. Couldn't you have figured that one out by yourself?"

"I should cell you in. First you were accessory to crime, now you withhold information?"

Ruka resisted the temptation to roll his eyes. Back then he made a bet with Hotaru that, because of her tenacity, Mikan would rub off on Natsume faster than he could influence her. Judging from Natsume's theatrics lately, perhaps Ruka should seek retribution from his girlfriend. Wouldn't be the first time he was wrong. "Look, I'm doing you a big favor already by saying this, but if you must know, Mikan broke up with Akira because of you."

There was a slight pause and a hint of surprise etched in Natsume's face. "I didn't break them up."

"So you say."

"We barely talked in _months_. When we did I had to pretend to be pulling drawers or something so she'd think I was at work."

Yep. Ruka _did_ need to pay his girlfriend back. How difficult was it for Natsume to tell her he was busy? "They broke up because Akira liked her more."

"That has nothing to do with me." He told himself this, in an effort to convince himself that he truly wanted her to be happy, even if it meant they weren't together. If Mikan didn't end up finding her happily ever after with Watanabe, who was he to be blamed?

"She broke up with him on your birthday." Ruka let the piece of information sink in. "By the way, I know she flew to Kobe yesterday. Why is she allowed to visit you and I'm not?"

"I never asked her to go here. I didn't even know she had my work address."

"You underestimate my girlfriend too much," he scoffed. "I know I'm supposed to be impartial, but for the sake of satisfying Sumire's curiosity, did something happen?"

"Aside from finding out that she's been single for three months?"

"You wouldn't have done anything even if you knew that."

Natsume bit back his tongue. It was annoying being wrong when you're used to being perfect all the time. Maybe that's why Mizuho enjoyed rubbing it in his face when he'd make a slip-up.

"So what happened? Please tell me before my girlfriend comes back."

"We were very clear with what we want."

When Natsume left it at that, Ruka heaved a sigh. He should've known that an unattached Mikan couldn't affect Natsume's current decisions. "You know what, Natsume? Mikan's not going to wait for you forever no matter how much she likes you. She may have done it before, but she's not going to do it again."

"Whose side are you on anyway?"

It was all a game, Natsume knew that much, but it was a game he kept on losing.

* * *

That night, Mikan felt like a teenager again.

There was something exciting about being in a relationship when you're an adolescent- the thrill of hiding while on dates (Natsume being Natsume Hyuuga and Mikan being Mikan Sakura, both considerably popular of their own accords, never made for quiet date nights), and the wonders of whether how long being in love would last, but at the same time being sure that forever existed in this bond.

That night, Mikan knew she loved Natsume more than she had before, if that were even possible. It had little to do with how he looked positively ravishing in a smart coat- it was the hint of pleasure on his lips as their night wore on, from walking around Nunobiki Herb Garden, touring the halls of the Hyogo Prefectural Museum of Art, feasting on grilled _korogewagyu_ and having _teppanyaki_ ice cream on the streets for dessert, before finally standing against the rails of Kobe Port Tower, overlooking the city from the top observation deck.

She pulled her cardigan closer around her waist and gestured at the Harborland ferris wheel. "I'm surprised you didn't take me there."

"Too touristy," he grinned, before looking down at his watch. "We may have time, if you want- I have to warn you, the city view is much better from here than there."

"Have you been?"

Natsume's eyes looked around, not spacing out, but as if he wanted to remember every detail- from the American backpackers laughing at each other to the local old couple who seemed content with just being together. "No. Haven't found any reason to go to. Besides, you have to share a gondola with three other people when you're coming in alone."

"Do you like it here?"

He paused. "It has its perks."

She chose her next words carefully: "Why'd you have to go?"

Natsume regarded her with an unbelievable smile, but knowing that the warmth in their conversation since the museum was now crossing strong currents: honesty. "Some of us needed to work."

"You couldn't do that without coming back at least once a month? After the first couple I thought I wasn't going to hear from you again."

"You said you were happy with him."

"I am. I was. You made me happy, too. Did that mean I could only have one?"

This time, Natsume didn't say anything at once. Did what she even say warranted a reply? When it came to Mikan Sakura, he was often rendered speechless, it had to be a psychological conundrum. It was as if she could read into the future and know his mind, intentions, and cognitive processes, rendering him speechless every single time before he could even voice any concern out loud.

"I wanted you with me, probably even more than any man would ever want someone."

He was so, so weak- always has been, maybe that's why his default response was to turn around when things grew too difficult. It happened before, when he went to Basel. It happened again, when she found He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, or the handsome perfect doctor each of their friends gushed about in his stead. It happened every time she was happy with her life and he didn't want to be the one to throw her back to the discomfort and arduousness of being with him, someone who could one day stop being there for her.

"I knew you wanted me too, but you were moving on."

He was pretty sure he prayed for some balls to finally have the courage to talk to her, not the other way around, but he did anyway.

"I didn't want you wondering whether you made the right choice every time I turn up."

Because Mikan deserved it.

Natsume was never the one to talk about his feelings, even when they were together. It was never an easy feat when you've spent the last decade or so of your life keeping it to yourself. Not even being in a relationship could've easily mended that- yet in three successive sentences, in three quick breaths, he'd wrapped up his heart in the last three years.

"I did it anyway," she said sadly. "Even when you weren't there. It didn't change how I felt for you."

Mikan knew she could fall in love a million times but her love for him wouldn't be any less; at the end of the day it was still him at the finish line. That was the game they played.

* * *

Red-flights were her saving grace that night. Maybe flying to Kobe unannounced was already pushing it, not to mention forcing him to bare his heart. Maybe he wasn't ready yet- she didn't consider that. Maybe that's why they didn't work out as well as they did the first time; she was always ready to jump without asking if he was, too. Maybe this time she jumped the cliff to early.

With only one luggage on hand, her hands were free to enjoy the warmth of Natsume's grip. She kept this conversation casual, yet knowing between themselves that there was nothing casual about their hands clasped together. She talked to him about her faculty consultation scheduled before noon, and he made offhand suggestions that weren't intrusive in any way.

"I really enjoyed spending time with you," Mikan finally said.

"You should be. I dropped my work for you," he joked.

She knew it was the truth, though. "I know," she told him. "One more thing?" She didn't wait for his response. She went straight to his arms, burying her face in his chest.

They stayed like that for a while, taking comfort in their privacy in a public place. Her arms felt like home, and even though he didn't regret giving her time, he wished he could easily run back to her like this.

She then said hesitantly, half afraid of the possible rejection, "Will I see you soon?"

"Be safe," was all he told her.

* * *

Hotaru picked Mikan up from the airport two hours later, a sacrifice on the former's part whose sleeping time was carefully numbered lately. Yet ever since Mikan decided to book a round-trip flight to Kobe without any second thought, and despite half-convincing Mikan, in the vaguest sense of the word, to follow her heart wherever it took her, Hotaru couldn't help but feel anxious.

Who was she going to see coming out of the airport?

The answer was a bright, dreamy- eyed lady who seemed stuck in a phantasmal memory of whatever transpired in this trip, and while seeing a different kind of happiness that didn't come from hole-in-the-wall restaurants or some other suspicious location, Hotaru warned herself to be wary.

There was no telling.

"Natsume and I rode the ferris wheel together," Mikan finally shared once they wear near the apartment. For the last hour she had gushed about the black wagyu beef, the museums, and everything else except the main star. Until now.

"Was that code for something?" Hotaru said boredly, having heard too many good things at once exhausted her. Particularly when it didn't involve the sale of one of her contraptions. "You could have honestly gone to the moon together and I wouldn't care."

"Oh, Hotaru, you don't mean that. You want me to be happy."

Mikan reached across and squeezed her best friend's hand. What good had she done in a prior life to deserve a beautiful, compassionate friend? Someone who picked her up from the airport at three in the morning, who let her crashed for god-knows-how-long, who never condoned her weeping but brought her comfort food in the form of howalon. How did she deserve Hotaru that her friend was still here, when she's lost people she held dear- her grandfather, Natsume- and she wondered, in a striking and terrifying realization, if maybe she wasn't meant to love them too much.

* * *

Mikan waited for Natsume. She sent a memo to everyone when they were meeting, who was bringing what. The morning before they left was spent at Anna's aunt's house. Mikan sent a detailed map and even shortcuts from the airport to Anna's house, but an hour has passed and Natsume still hasn't arrived.

"We should get going," Anna told the group at large after they finished loading the last of the food. "Traffic's going to get bad around rush hour."

Mikan glanced worriedly at her watch.

"He's not coming," Koko said quietly. He was the only person brave enough to say it loud, knowing exactly what was on Mikan's mind even without the help of his Alice.

"Maybe his flight got delayed. Just give him thirty more minutes at most."

"He's not coming, Mikan," Hotaru repeated. She was already at the passenger seat of her car. Beside her, Ruka was silent, his head turned away from the rest.

She looked around everyone else. Kitsu was sitting on the pavement on his second cup of espresso, trying to stay awake long enough for the four-hour drive at four in the morning. Beside him was a cast-clad Mochu, talking to Wakako. Yuu came up at her and lightly patted her on the shoulder. "Let's go, Mikan," he gently told her. "I'm sure he has his reasons."

The group lacked their usual energy as they boarded the three cars. Even Koko, who was usually the one unbelievably sprightly no matter the time of the day was uncharacteristically rendered into silence as he sat behind Ruka and Hotaru in her car. They stayed this way until they hit the highway, the radio softly playing soft classical tunes, until Hotaru broke the quietude with only two words:

"Fix this."

"Hotaru…" Ruka fidgeted in his seat. He glanced quickly at his passengers through the rearview mirror. "Do you really want to talk about this now?"

"When do you want to talk about it? When Mikan's around? No, we're ending this _now,_ Nogi."

Koko sat uncomfortably on his seat. He knew he got on the wrong car. He should've stayed in Anna's where there was endless food supply and everyone would try to pretend that Mikan wasn't upset about Natsume not showing up.

"What's wrong with intervening?" Ruka retorted, and Koko slapped his forehead at this mistake. How could he have not learned after being in a relationship with Hotaru Imai?

"You're interfering, and it has to stop."

"It was just one time."

"Then make this your last time. I've had enough of seeing Mikan down in the dumps because of Hyuuga. I've had enough of it when they broke up. I'm not about to see it again when they're not even together anymore."

"Natsume's in love with her."

"Still?"

"Does it matter?"

"It matters because he's not doing anything about it."

"He is now "

"By breaking her heart?"

"Look, I'm sure he has his reasons. Even I can't call him. I know you tried, too." This earned him the side-eye from Hotaru. He chuckled. "He's been in love with her since he was a kid."

"Well, doesn't that answer the question I didn't ask." She commented snidely. "I don't care if he's been in love with her since he was a sperm. The only thing I care about is that he's hurting her."

"You're keeping your mouth shut," Ruka needlessly warned him. Koko didn't need to be told. He already noticed Hotaru's grip on her gun.

* * *

For everyone else's sake, Mikan tried to keep up appearances. She waved off their initial gentle gestures, claiming that she should have been used to Natsume bailing out on them (pointedly using the word 'them' as if they were just as hurt as she was) at the last minute, with no explanation, due to work or some other commitment that he simply couldn't set aside. She volunteered on every kitchen duty- chopping the vegetables, deboning shrimps, and grilling meat like it were the most important tasks in the world. She washed plates, made drinks for everyone, even went so far as to asking Mochu to hoist her up the ceiling so that she could clean some of the cobwebs the cleaners didn't get. And then she volunteered to get some firewood and spent almost an hour getting lost in the woods because she spent most of it aimlessly walking around.

Once she ran out of things to do, it was already nighttime, the boys have already washed themselves off and were inside eating chips and playing games while Hotaru pretended that she wasn't enjoying the fact that Ruka was losing his fifth game of poker to her.

Mikan knew she ought to have been a better companion- this was their first almost complete outing in a long time, the last one, if she tried hard to recall, was Natsume's welcome party. It was absurd how the least sociable person in their group was the only one who could get them all in one place, but maybe that's exactly why it was possible. Then again, they weren't exactly complete. Natsume was noticeably absent. Even Mochu, of all people, managed to pull Nonoko away for the weekend, a feat that even Mikan had difficulties achieving on her own.

Just as she was about to head back inside, leaving behind her the silent crackling of the fire, a car arrived and parked just behind Mochu's jeep. It wasn't one she recognized- but Natsume stepped out of the driver's seat.

Neither of them said anything. Mikan could only hear the fire and the crickets and the owls and the distant cheers from inside the cabin. The fire and the moonlight illuminated his walk towards her, his careful strides taken in succession, and she kept thinking- what was going to happen? Was he going to kiss her?

Instead, he held out his hand. It was his calling card.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" she managed to say.

He patiently flipped it, and when she gave him another confused look, wondering why he was giving her an address to some far-off town, he said, "I've found your grandfather."

Mikan didn't say anything, her eyes now completely glued on the card. So he told her that he found him in a town offshore, six hours from Tokyo. For the last month or so, he had been trying to track him down. He barely found him; in a senior center, with inexact memories of his life, people unconvinced that he even had granddaughter who went to the prestigious Alice Academy because why then was he alone and helpless and poor? Unfortunately, he was weak and incapable of making long travels and taking far flights and Natsume's initial plan of surprising her with him was left disbanded.

He grew a bit worried when she still made no movement to break the silence, until her arms shoulders shook violently and a choked up sob escaped her lips. He barely saw her face because in one leap she had buried hers in his chest. "Thank you," she kept saying again and again.

At that moment, Natsume Hyuuga waved his white flag. He had lost, a long time ago, he knew. Mikan had won his heart and the thing was, he didn't want it back.

* * *

The fire crackled under his stare. He was still wearing his dress shirt since he came with no luggage, but he had ditched the shoes and belt. Ruka generously lent him a pair of pajamas after all that Koko had to offer were a pair of boxer shorts that suspiciously didn't seem washed.

Mikan walked over and handed him a can of beer. She lightly touched his head and felt a bump beneath his hair, "What happened here?"

He grimaced. "From your barbaric friend. Setting aside my efforts, she said she had to maintain her principles."

"She doesn't seem she's happy, but she is. Hotaru's glad I have you."

"I'm glad you have a loyal friend but you don't see me setting her lab on fire."

Her laughter sounded like chimes in the silence, echoing in his head like a wonderful song, and he wondered, not for the first time that night, why he ever thought he'd be okay with a life without her.

They weren't perfect but gradually they became. And if playing the complex game was what he needed to do to have her forever, he was okay with it.

* * *

 **A/N:** I think one of the most difficult transition after a breakup is convincing yourself that you deserve to be happy, regardless of which half of the relationship you were. _Play_ is all about allowing yourself to fall in love again. Here we see Mikan and Natsume post-post-breakup in their quest to find their happily ever after.

This concludes _The Breakup Playlist_. It took me four years to write this because the inspiration for the stories are very personal. It has been quite a journey writing Natsume and Mikan's story as it is similar with my struggles. I hope my version of their post-Academy life did not just entertain you but touched you as well.

With that, I also want to mention that this might be my last new fic for the GAFFN universe. I will be finishing _Loved by Law_ and finally, officially, sign off to pursue original content. I hope you stick around for my last year, as you've always done in the past.

x, KM | 01-06-2018, 06.21 PM


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